Acceptance builds relationships and eases our mind.

Acceptance Isn’t Approval. And Confusing the Two Is Wrecking Your Leadership.

A lot of people go through life acting like they need to personally agree with every human being’s behavior before they can treat them with basic respect. Does that ring true for you?

Maybe I am the odd one out, but it seems that this is the way of the world today. But think about it. Really, do I actually need to agree with, or even approve of, everything someone does to treat them like a decent person?

When someone shows up late to a meeting, misses a deadline, says something awkward, resists a new plan, or generally behaves like a flawed human being, which, inconveniently, all human beings are, we suddenly act like they’ve committed some unforgivable crime against humanity and, more importantly, against you.

We don’t just dislike the behavior. We turn the whole person into the problem. That’s where everything starts to go sideways. Projects stall. Communication gets weird. People get defensive. Teams stop trusting each other. And the whole culture slowly turns into one giant passive-aggressive dumpster fire. Have you seen that for yourself yet?

All because nobody understands one very important thing: Acceptance is not approval. And if you’re a leader who can’t tell the difference, you’re going to make life harder for yourself and everyone around you.

The Simple Distinction Most People Miss: Approval means you think a behavior is good, right, appropriate, or worth endorsing. Acceptance means you acknowledge things as they are. The person themselves, regardless of if you see eye-to-eye with their values, ideals and actions.

That’s it. Acceptance is saying, “This is who this person is right now. This is what they do, or his is what they feel or believe. I may not like it. I may not agree with it. But does that actually make the person bad? Does it make them inherently unacceptable? Do I need to write them off as a person?”

For example:

• A coworker is always late. You don’t have to approve of that.
• A friend has a habit that drives you nuts. You don’t have to approve of that either.
• A team member resists change, gets emotional, or struggles to adapt. Still doesn’t mean you have to approve.

But acceptance says: This is the actual situation in front of me. Not the wishful thinking version. Not the version I wish existed. The real one. And once you accept what’s here, you will find you can actually do something about it.

Funny how that works.