25 Mar
Listening
[email protected] Interpersonal Skills

Listening While Working Remote

The art of conversation lies in listening.
–Malcom Forbes

Listening takes work, it’s a skill most of us could improve upon, and working remotely adds to the difficulty.

Wiley’s Personal Listening Profile assesses five listening approaches:

  1. Appreciative: This style is more relaxed and seeks enjoyment, entertainment, or inspiration.
  2. Empathic: This style is supportive of the speaker, does not judge, and seeks to learn.
  3. Comprehensive: With this style the listener relates what they hear to what they’re already familiar with by organizing and summarizing the main message.
  4. Discerning: This style listens to get complete information so they understand the important details while also taking in appearance, tone and behavior.
  5. Evaluative: This style tends to look for facts that support the message and may accept or reject the message based on personal beliefs.

Does one style sound more like you than the others? Does your style change dependent on the speaker? And, does your preferred style change if the conversation is in person versus on conference or video calls?

These tips for working remotely have been shared previously but they’re worth sharing again:

  • For video calls encourage that the camera be “on” whenever possible and look for body language and levels of engagement
  • Listen for what’s being said and what isn’t being said
  • Don’t immediately assess what you’ve heard until the conversation has ended (we sometimes are too quick to think we understand and miss key points)
  • Avoid multi-tasking
  • Look attentive and interested in the speaker; nod for understanding and encouragement
  • Paraphrase your interpretation of the topic/message
  • Minimize or tune out distractions
  • Remain focused and attentiveStrong listening skills are required for effective communication and healthy relationships.  Be aware of your preferred style, adapt as necessary, and become an active and purposeful listener!

We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.
–Diogenes

18 Mar
[email protected] Leadership

Lead By Example

When you lead by example, you make it easy for others to follow you.

A recent survey conducted by Opinion Research Corporation asked “what one trait is most important for a person leading you“?  Their findings may surprise you. The results are:

26%  Leading by example
19%  Strong ethics or morals
17%  Knowledge of the business
14%  Fairness
13%  Overall intelligence and competence
10%  Recognition of employees

Since Leading By Example ranked highest, does that imply that many leaders are NOT leading by example? That they don’t actively support a shared vision and goals? That integrity and accountability are not part of their daily behaviors and activities? That they expect things from others that they wouldn’t or don’t do? That they don’t manage conflict or give honoring feedback? That communication may be lacking, unclear, or inconsistent? We’re not sure, but as leaders we need to be mindful that leading by example is a major “want”.

John C. Maxwell shares what he calls the “The Law Of The Picture” and says “People do what people see”. (Excerpts from his 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership)

1. Followers are always watching you.
If the bosses come in late, then employees feel that they can, too. If the bosses cut corners, employees cut corners. People do what people see. Followers may doubt what their leaders say, but they usually believe their actions. And they imitate it.

2. It’s easier to teach than to do.
Nothing is more convincing than people who give good advice and set a good example.

3. We should work to change ourselves before changing others.
A great danger to good leadership is the temptation to try to change others without first making changes to yourself.

4. The most valuable gift a leader can give is being a good example.
More than anything else, employees want leaders whose beliefs and actions line up. They want good models who lead from the front.

Make sure you set the example you want others to emulate. Would you want to work for you? Was there any hesitation answering that question? If yes, dig deep and assess what changes could be made so the answer becomes a resounding “yes”!

The reality is that the only way change comes is when you lead by example.
— Anne Wojcicki

11 Mar
[email protected] Success

Inattentional Blindness

Inattentional blindness is the failure to notice a fully-visible, but unexpected object because attention was engaged on another task, event, or object.

You may not be familiar with the term Inattentional Blindness but perhaps you’ve heard the story when observers at a basketball game were asked to count the number of times one of the teams passed the basketball.  They were so intent on counting the passes that roughly 50% of the observers did not see a person in a gorilla suit come on the court.  (And they were in denial until showed proof in the video of the game!)

Can we become so focused on a task or behavior that we “miss” quite a bit of what’s happening around us? The answer seems to be yes.

Arien Mack and Irvin Rock coined the term “inattentional blindness” to describe the results of their studies regarding how perceptive one is for unexpected objects. And, unless we pay close attention, we can miss even the most obvious action or event.

So, are they saying we can be too focused? Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris, cognitive psychologists, support the concept that by focusing so hard on one thing, we can be oblivious to details if we limit what we’re looking for.

Another new term (at least to us!) by Max Bazerman is WYSINATI = What You See Is Not All There Is. He came up with this acronym and shares that we, as leaders, can learn to identify when we aren’t seeing the complete picture and have a need to seek additional  information and look for more.

He also shares that skilled leaders have a “noticing mindset”. They detect changes in behaviors, they get a sense if they are not hearing the whole story, and they have a true feel for what’s happening around them.

We consistently talk about awareness.  We need to be self-aware, we need to be aware of styles, behaviors, and the demeanor of others, and we need to be aware of our environment and make an effort to truly see and sense what’s happening.

Having focus is good, but like any attribute, when over-used can become a weakness and limit our vision.

Strive to perfect that “noticing mindset”!

We are aware of far less of our world than we think.—Daniel Simons

04 Mar
[email protected] Interpersonal Skills

Introvert, Extravert, or Ambivert?

We all move along the continuum of introvert and extrovert
behaviors and preferences all day long.
–Patricia Weber

Do you consider yourself an introvert or extravert?  Maybe neither? Perhaps a bit of both? Here are some common adjectives:

Extravert:                               Introvert:
Sociable                                     Shy
Outgoing                                   Withdrawn
Gregarious                                Reserved
Friendly                                     Quiet
Assertive                                   Timid
Live wire                                   Introspective
Dominant                                  Cautious

Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung first came up with the terms in the early 1900s and believed some of us are energized by the external world and some of us are energized by the internal world. What if we’re a blend?

Have you heard the term Ambivert? It’s defined as “a person whose personality has a balance of extravert and introvert features”.  Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist and professor at Wharton conducted a study and found that two-thirds of us don’t strongly identify as introverts or extraverts. Rather, our style varies based on the situation.

Rena Goldman, a health and wellness author provides five signs that you’re an ambivert.

1. You’re a good listener and communicator
Extraverts prefer to talk more, and introverts like to observe and listen. But ambiverts know when to speak up and when to listen.

2. You have an ability to regulate behavior
Adjusting to fit the person or situation seems to come naturally to ambiverts.

3. You feel comfortable in social settings, but also value your alone time
Ambiverts can feel like they’re in their element in a crowd or when enjoying a quiet evening at home.

4. Empathy comes naturally to you
Ambiverts are able to listen and show they understand where a person is coming from and they might listen and ask thoughtful questions to try and help resolve issues.

5. You’re able to provide balance
In the case of group settings, ambiverts can provide a much-needed balance to the social dynamics and is likely to help break an awkward silence and increase comfort levels.

We all have our preferences, neither is right or wrong, and the ability to adapt our style to the situation is a true sign of effective leadership!

I’m neither extrovert nor introvert. I’m just an imperfect example of an ambivert.
― Irfa Rahat