Saying “NO” Is An Art

The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.
–Tony Blair

Saying “no” is difficult for many of us, but this simple word must be incorporated into our vocabulary. We need to understand why it’s difficult for us, and the ramifications for our reluctance. 

We all want to succeed, our pace never slows down, we know we can juggle and accomplish amazing things, and because of this, we’re sometimes guilty of over committing.

That’s when we need to remember that saying NO is an option (and an art!).

Things to think about:

  • If we say “yes”, what tasks will be negatively impacted?
  • Are we compromising our ability to deliver quality work?
  • How many additional hours are we willing to add to our schedule?
  • Does the task clearly support our goals and priorities?

We also have the option to counter-offer: I’d love to support that initiative; I may need help assessing what could be reassigned elsewhere or postponed.

Other tips:

  • Have a plan in place to handle distractions and interruptions
  • Know how to prioritize, be willing to re-prioritize, and commit to your decisions
  • Set boundaries based on your priorities and say no to those outside your boundaries
  • Be open and flexible, but realistic
  • Practice the ways in which you can respond

Be true to yourself and your priorities, and don’t compromise quality. Remember that over-using a strength (our desire to achieve), could result in a weakness. (And it’s likely to create self-imposed stress!).

THIS WEEK’S QWIKTIP!

Read about
FEAR IS A BARRIER TO SUCCESS

Listen To Understand

The biggest communication problem is that we don’t listen to understand, we listen to reply.

This week we’re going to talk about listening again. Why? Because we frequently receive feedback that communication, and especially listening skills, are areas that require work.

While participating in a conversation, conference call, feedback session, or having any dialogue at all, are you truly listening?

An informal poll was conducted asking “Do You Listen To Reply”?  Meaning, does preparing your response take priority over hearing the whole “story”. Are you concentrating so much on your reply that you stopped listening?

-50% of the respondents admitted that sometimes they focused on their reply
-Another 33% admitted it was rare, but they too concentrated more on their reply than on what was being said.

Dr. Ralph Nichols has conducted numerous listening studies and has found that we spend 40 percent of our day listening to others, but retain just 25 percent of what we hear. We’re missing out on a lot!

Leadership consultant Andy Eklund provides the following tips:

1. Get rid of outside distractions.
2. Open your mind. Don’t judge. Only listen.
3. Listen for the big picture, not the details
4. Note, but don’t judge, non-verbal communications.
5. Do not jump to conclusions or interrupt.
6. Paraphrase the big picture, then add in details.
7. Challenge yourself first. It’s very possible you may disagree. If so, ask yourself Under what circumstance might this be true?

Listening may not include having a dialogue. Sometimes the person speaking has the sole intent to share or vent. Feel honored to be a sounding board and realize that no reply may be your best action!

Do you listen to understand?

THIS WEEK’S QWIKTIP!

Read more about LISTENING TAKES WORK

10 Mistakes

Smart, successful people are by no means immune to making mistakes; they simply have the tools in place to learn from their errors.– Travis Bradberry

Dr. Travis Bradberry believes there are 10 mistakes smart people never make twice, and he feels “emotionally intelligent people embrace mistakes for what they are—great opportunities to learn”. 

So, what’s the first step?  Admitting that you made a mistake and committing to learning from it so it’s not repeated.

Here’s what he views as the top 10 mistakes:

Believing in someone or something that’s too good to be true. Some people are so charismatic and so confident that it can be tempting to follow anything they say. Don’t be naïve!

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Albert Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If you want a different result, you must change your approach.

Failing to delay gratification. Gratification doesn’t come quickly and hard work comes long before the reward.

Operating without a budget. Budgets, both professionally and personally, establish discipline, and discipline is the foundation of quality work.

Losing sight of the big picture. Assess your daily priorities against your goals; are they aligned?

Not doing your homework. There’s no substitute for hard work and due diligence.

Trying to be someone you’re not. Happiness and success demand authenticity.

Trying to please everyone. It’s not possible to please everybody, and trying to please everyone pleases no one.

Playing the victim. To play the victim, you have to give up your power, and you can’t put a price on that.

Trying to change someone. The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves.

Author Paulo Coelho simply states “When you repeat a mistake, it is not a mistake anymore: it is a decision.”

Words to live by!

QWIKTIP –  Read about PROBLEM SOLVING

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.– Bruce Lee

Lead With Humor – It’s An Art!

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.–Dwight D. Eisenhower

Humor, like any behavior, requires skills and timing.  When properly used it can motivate and influence others, as well as reduce stress and tension among individuals and teams.

Humor has also been linked with our emotional intelligence competencies. Daniel Goleman,(EQ author/expert), shares “Research on humor at work reveals that a well-timed joke or playful laughter can stimulate creativity, open lines of communication, enhance a sense of connection and trust, and, of course make work more fun”.

When NOT properly used:

  • Humor may be disruptive and ill received
  • Humor may be misinterpreted and cause ill feelings

It’s important to know your audience.  You’ll want to avoid humor that is sexist, ethnic, politically or religiously based (or any type of humor used at another’s expense). It’s also best not to use humor when delivering important messages or when addressing issues or problems.

Bryan Lattimore, author The Art of Humor, states that humor can be used:

  • As a way to break the ice in stiff or uncomfortable business situations
  • As an effective bonding technique – a wonderful way to build common ground with other employees
  • As a way to break down resistance
  • As a much needed way to improve the content, enjoyment, and ultimately the productivity of meetings
  • As a way to assign work when people can’t take any more
  • As a wonderful way to ease and control tension

For some using humor is a natural talent, for others it’s awkward. Observe others in your organization that are deemed funny.

What can you learn from them?  Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and give humor a try!

QWIKTIP –  Find out if you’re EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.–Victor Borge